A browse of the local paper often nets some gems; a job nearby, a new cafe, a relevant event to go to or, my personal favourite, an insight into your neighbours' love lives.
Reading the personal ads is an excellent exercise in translation. Not only do you come across some Swedish words that simply do not translate well into an English personal ad, you also see ads which need a different kind of translation altogether. Here are some of my favourites from this week's paper, although they were tame by previous standards!
EXHIBIT A
A nice, simple start. This man born in the 50's is using his borgerligt life to attract a mate. Maybe this is a generational thing, but if someone told me to go out with them because their highest redeeming quality was their bourgeois life I think I'd call them a
Number 2. (In the Merriam Webster.)
EXHIBIT B
How about someone who uses their looks rather than their personality to get a date? This woman has a fördelaktigt utseende. Now this kind of word is a translator's nightmare. Does she mean the literal translation, that she has an advantageous appearance? If so, what exactly is it advantageous for? She might have really big teeth, all the better to eat you with! Or does she mean "sexy"
even though
Google thinks it's unlikely. Either way you end up with two completely different ideas about this woman...which one is the right one??!
EXHIBIT C
Oh this man starts his personal ad off so well! And then just...fucks it up. He's "glad" "humoristisk" and "sensuell" that's good, he "ser bra ut" yeah - I guess that's good too, and he's...."alert"? Let me just check that on Google translate, yep, it means the same thing. Well, I suppose I like a man who isn't in a coma or something. He's looking for a woman who likes to do "praktiska göromål" and I didn't use Google translate to figure out it means cleaning up after him. Oh, and to finish off, no fat chicks. That's a common theme in most of the personal ads.
EXHIBIT D
Here we have a real trainwreck of an ad. This man wants only dark, curvy women who are fifteen years younger than him within a 7 year age span. He wants to have a "lungt familjeliv" and needs a woman to give him kids asap. Okay, that's quite specific - he must have some goods to trade that put him in a position to make demands. Here it comes, in return for being this man's dream woman and having kids with him he will support his new family with....well, he doesn't have a job actually, he "går en utbildning" (is on a training course.)
EXHIBIT(S) E
This is where it starts to get difficult.
A lot of people use the personals to either advertise their dominatrix trade, or to find a good dominatrix. This "undergiven" (passive) man wants a "bestämd" (determined - although
Google was a treasure trove of potential other translations!) woman to "klä upp" (dress) him.
But then there are others that are teetering on the line between what is clearly a request for a fetish and ... then again might not be. This "mogen" man (read- old) wants a woman who likes wearing nylon. Does he have a nylon fetish or does he want a woman from a time period when nylon tights were all women ever wore?
EXHIBIT F
From the ambiguous to the downright suspicious. Would you trust anyone who described himself as "helt vanlig" (totally normal)?
EXHIBIT G
Aw I feel sorry for this stranger. He's got no friends because all his old friends went off and had children. I can't help but wonder if a personals ad in the newspaper is the most productive way of meeting new friends? Also he's 48, he only has to wait a few more years and then all his friends will have teenagers or empty nests and be desperate for friends again. Or?
