Monday 16 October 2017

Day 1528: Beaver hunt

I WANT TO SEE A BEAVER!

Not that kind of beaver.

Anyway, whenever there is a slow news day the papers wheel out the beavers. I wrote about a beaver stopping a train years ago when I first moved. This week there are apparently SO MANY BEAVERS in a built up, central area of Stockholm called Kungsholmen; so WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN ONE?!

https://www.pressreader.com/sweden/v%C3%A5rt-kungsholmen/20171014/281492161541983

It's not fair to write about beavers like they're pigeons or squirrels (actually I still get excited about squirrels. Grey = 1 point, Red = 10 points, Black = 100 points). Beavers clearly are not everywhere otherwise I would have tripped over one. I saw two rats scratching around in some rubbish on the street - the binmen have been on strike - and I got excited, but they weren't beavers. When I went to Ireland on holiday I was told there would be puffins, and there were, and I saw one. Now the papers are promising me beavers all over the shop, right where I hang about every working day, and I bloody well expect to see some goofy teeth and oversize tails.

Look, most people have exciting bucket lists and this probably seems strange. However, if I want to make a list of animals and rank them according to an arbitrary points system like I do blueberries then that's my prerogative. Actually come to think of it, hedgehogs are supposed to be ubiquitous in England and I've never seen one...

Here's my checklist and haphazard score allocation of animals I'm supposedly supposed to trip over occasionally in Sweden:

<50 points> Beaver
<200 points> Moose (älg)
<10 points> Woodpecker (hackspettar)
<10 points> Eurasian bullfinch (domherrar)
<100 points> Adder (huggorm)
<500 points> Wolf
<500 points> Bear

So far I have 100 points and that's for the bum of a moose I saw disappearing into some trees as I rushed by on a train. In fact it might not even have been a moose, it might just be wishful thinking. The moose at Skansen zoo don't count. Also I heard a woodpecker so maybe I can have a point for that. My boyfriend's dad sent a picture of a bear from the family cabin (Swedish people have cabins in woods. It's a thing). I got excited because we were on our way in the car and I thought we'd be in time to see it. Turns out the bear was from google images.

What animals would make the list where you live, and how many points do you have? I hope you're doing better than me.

Monday 2 October 2017

Day 1514: A very Swedish theory test question


This question came up on my practice theory test:

A person has been drinking a lot of alcohol until very late at night. What should he or she think about the following day?
  1. If he runs a lap he will burn more alcohol and therefore drive without risk in the afternoon
  2. If he drinks lots of water and then has a sauna he will burn more alcohol and therefore drive without risk in the afternoon
  3. Since he can't affect the amount of alcohol he burns he should not drive for safety's sake 
As far as I know, there is no focus in the English theory test on alcohol (or how to best drive to reduce environmental impact). There is definitely no mention of running a lap (who outside Sweden stays up all night drinking and then goes for a run in the morning?!) or having a bloody sauna (In Stockholm you're never more than 6 feet from a sauna, while in London it's 6 feet from a rat.)

Furthermore, most commercial passenger vehicles like taxis, buses, logistics trucks and even my learner driver car are fitted with "alcolås" or alcohol lock, and the engine will not start if the driver fails an alcohol breath test!