Are you hours and hours late for work, fun or getting home?
Do you have no idea at all how you're going to get there?
Are you utterly complacent about this, and will not attempt to make any change to the status of your shitty transport system through positive action or negative reaction?
Are you not even expecting the news to pick up on the hell of your, and thousands upon thousands of others' journey or the plight of hundreds upon hundreds of freight wagons over the course of a whole day, several days or even weeks?
You must be commuting in Sweden!
With this in mind, it's important that you learn my:
1. Obehöriga på Spårområdet (unauthorised person on the track)
Ah yes, god bless this wonderful shitbag who has wondered about on the railways for fuck knows what reason. Whether they were stealing some copper wires, trying to kill themselves in a quiet, understated manner or just out for a fucking stroll somewhere they don't usually fucking stroll, god bless them. They really deserved that time they effectively stole from me just for being the wonderful, considerate human beings that they are.
Annoyance factor:
2. Elavbrott (Power Outage)
This is Sweden, an incredibly advanced western nation with a perfectly good electricity producing industry and no drops in service even during the winter when every man and his dog has all the lights on, three heaters and an oven. There is no way the railways are having a power cut. This is just code for "Sven fucked up the wiring".
Annoyance Factor:
3. Kraftiga förseningar (Heavy delays)
This isn't an explanation. We know there are delays, we've been standing in -10 for the last 40 minutes looking at a screen which has said that our train is one minute away. Fucking liars. I'm pretty sure this is actually code for "Expect a #4"
Annoyance factor:
4. Stopp i trafiken (Stop in service)
Here's what kraftiga förseningar really means. No trains are going anywhere. (Except sometimes the trains that cost more money than your shitty commuter train, they're fine.) They don't have a reason though.
Annoyance factor:
5. Signalfel (Signal problems)
I don't know who is in charge of the signals around here but they should be fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun. There are signal problems so often I think that train drivers would be confused if the signals were signalling. They should just burn down the whole fucking signal rig, because the smoke would be more effective at actually signalling.
Annoyance factor:
6. Omfattande (extensive)
Omfattande elfel, omfattande signalfel, omfattande whatever. Oh god you're really fucked if they wheel this one out. Just go to the pub and sleep there instead of trying to get home.
Annoyance factor:
7. Växelfel (Interchange Fault)
Just book a holiday and go to the beach. Last July there was a track interchange fault in the south station of Stockholm. No trains could go north or south for nearly 2 weeks. Fuck that shit.
Annoyance factor:
