Day 623: RELEASE THE KRAKE-er I mean- COWS

Kosläpp is a combination of two words; "ko" which means cow and "släpp" which means release, free, let loose. I recently had a Swedish friend argue that "cow release" sounds too violent to accurately convey the meaning of the word, I meanwhile believe that it sounds far too sexual. In any case, the releasing of the cows is in fact not a giant, drawn-out cow wank, but the letting out of cows after a long winter in their sheds.

Why is this even a thing? Well, Swedish cows spend a long time indoors on account of the fact that nobody wants frozen milk with their breakfast. Also, contrary to my childhood wishes, cold cows do not produce mini-milk. When they finally get to go outside again in the spring they go a bit nuts. There are plenty of videos on YouTube to prove this, here's just a short one to get you started:

I organised a last minute event to go and see some cows being released (teehee) and expected to have nobody come (and also to be laughed at for waking up early on a Sunday morning to look at cows like I was attending a bovine church.) Instead, 18 fellow bovine believers followed along, including 5 Swedes who were equally new to the whole thing as the rest of us immigrants. According to my milk, the kosläpp phenomenon is really taking off, with record numbers attending (You can learn a lot of Swedish by reading the milk cartons and then you can start sentences with "according to my milk").

We took a picnic spot on a mound to one side of the paddock and waited for the cows. There was a little farmers market where you could get coffee, tea, milk from the farm and hamburgers - presumably from all the dead man-cows, since all the milking cows are ladies. Aww cute cows, now let's roast their manfolk and let them smell the dead (and drink all the milk they never get to feed their non-existent babies). American cowboy-themed music played over some speakers and some fake cowboys wondered around twirling their lassos impotently.

With just a few minutes to go before the cows came out the farm suddenly became absolutely packed with children shouting "MUUU. MUUUU. MUUUU" (Swedish for Moo) and people pointing iPhones and DSLR cameras at the paddock. There was a half-hearted countdown which went something like:

"20...19............................*long silence*......................................9.................*long silence*........................3..2..1!"

for some reason, and then...yay cows! They ran about, jumped with swinging udders, rubbed their faces on the grass, headbutted each other and congregated right in the entranceway so other cows couldn't get out, a bit like Stockholmers on public transport. After 5 minutes a short-lived hail shower started and all the cows tried to go back inside again, but a man with outstretched arms managed to convince them that he was big enough to stop the whole herd and so they all went out into the field.

Now I know I'm putting a cynical slant on this, but the cows were actually damn cute. If you've ever bothered to look at a field of cows you'll know they don't do much. They eat grass and amble. This kosläpp was the most I've ever seen a cow move. I'll leave you with this pic of some cows moo-ving. YES, IT WAS A MOO PUN.