Day 1114: Bed Time

I've been in this country for 3 years now, it's really flown by! My swediversary was the 10th of August, but I was busy, well, living and it slipped me by.

My quality of life has dramatically increased thanks to immediate hot water from mixer taps, double paned windows in every building, Ecco shoes, great holidays at work and people putting their shopping in considerate lines on the conveyor belt when paying.

But one aspect of my life declined in quality when I moved in with my sambo. His bed was SHIT. Too soft. Saggy in the middle. 120cm wide - good for a single person, not great for two! It looked approximately like this:

Why did we have such an awful bed for such a long time? First we lived in a small apartment....now we have moved. Second, beds are expensive in Sweden. Like srsly. I bought what I thought was an expensive bed for myself in England, it was hand made by a small ethical company, had a great guarantee and was comfy. The bed we've just bought was FLIMMIN' FOUR TIMES MORE EXPENSIVE. Sweden wtf.

It's probably because we've actually done a common Swedish thing and bought two beds that go together with a single overlying mattress (or two). It's called a continental bed because I can only assume people on...the continent? A continent? Somewhere anyway, sleep on these kinds of beds. More bed = more mattress = more springs = more foam = more expensive.



I know it's going to be worth it. The bloody thing is so huge we can probably set up a net in the middle and play tennis. Roll on bed time...

Day 1099: Britain's a bit shit

A common feature of British culture is to focus on the negative. We do this because we are a self deprecating (not defecating!), cynical bunch and maybe also because to some extent, Britain is a bit shit.

What better way for me to convince you that Britain is a bit shit than by first bringing your attention to the amount of literal shit everywhere on the streets, on the pavements, on grassy areas, in front of your garden gate, by your front door, just, everywhere. When I used to work in Gillingham, a fairly deprived bit of Kent, I was treated to a daily rainbow of differently coloured dog turds representing the vibrant spectrum of tones dog poo can achieve if left for extended periods of time next to their more recent neighbours. That was five years ago and since then street cleaning budgets have been cut in what I can only assume is a cultural project to help the nation discover yet more nuances of the colour brown/grey. A small amount of internet searching reveals that in England and in Sweden, between 10-15% of dog owners answer that they do not pick up after their dog. Metro helpfully points out that in Sweden these figures mean 8000 dog turds are left on streets or in natural areas every day. If the same percentage of dog owners in Britain do the same, with a conservative estimate of 5 times the number of people, that's 40,000 dog turds in a country half the size. Sweden's measly 8000 turds could have 21 square miles each to sit in. I would say that Britain's turds would get 2 miles each but I already know that a large majority of them are right next to each other in Gillingham.

If only...