Day 2480: Peas halp!

When you learn a new language as an adult, it is extremely likely that you will never be as confident in this new language as you are in your mother tongue. That is why I felt very under confident reporting to my friend that "ärter" is not the plural of "pea" in Swedish, because "artor" is the plural.

Or is it?

What do you say?

Day 2303: Bus Bag Bastards

A typical Stockholm commute would not be complete without a fellow passenger taking up an extra seat on the bus or train with their bag, leg or other general item/body part. Another favourite strategy, unfortunately not captured in my picture but happening accross the aisle, is to sit in the aisle seat so that the window seat is left free.

I'm long finished complaining about people who take up two seats - I'm from London. I did not arrive late to the selfish passenger party, I was born in it. I'm from that hardy race of commuters who sees a bag or overextended limb as an invitiation to confrontation. No wait, that's wrong. Most Londoners won't even confront you about moving an offending item any more, they'll just sit on it.

Which is why I am not frustrated that the woman in the picture above has her bag on the seat. Instead I want to know where the COJONES, the BALLS, the GRIT, the INTREPIDITY of the many standing passengers is to be found?! I know they wanted to sit, they were giving "the look" to the woman and her bag. Looks 👏 won't 👏 get 👏 you 👏 a 👏 seat.

Judging by her accent, the bag lady was NOT Swedish. For all I know she was from London, just like me. She was capitalising on the native aversion to just fucking TAKING the seat which is PAID for. Swedes - we foreigners are PLAYING you in your own system. Do not be afraid to sit on a bag, loudly state that you are going to park your rumpa, or stride awkwardly and determindly over some knees to get the window seat. I know from sharing other public spaces with you that y'all are masters of the barge and the invasion of personal space, so why do these skills MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR on the bus? Seats are there, GET SOME.

And while we are at it, GÅ LÄNGRE FRAM I BUSSEN FÖR FAN.

Day 2219: NOT THE SAME

LEGIT MISTAKES I HAVE MADE IN SWEDISH

(AND HOW TO AVOID THEM)

1. 

 

2.

 

3.

 

4.

 

5.

 

6.

 

7.

 

8. 

 

9. 

 

10.

 

BONUS 11. 

(NOT ME WHO SAID IT, THANKFULLY)

Day 1925: IS TOO EARLY

IT IS TOO EARLY FOR:

LUSSEBULLAR.

THESE BUNS ARE FOR LUCIA ONLY!

 JULMUST.

 IT'S NOT TIME FOR CHRISTMAS YET

 TEMPERATURES LOWER THAN MY FRIDGE.

I DON'T WANT TO COMPARE THIS WITH THE EXTERNAL TEMP AT BREAKFAST

 AND GIVE UP ON MY DAY BEFORE IT HAS BEGUN, THANKS.

WEARING A COAT NOT A JACKET.

 DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN ONE OF THESE COATS...FOR LATER.

DARK. DARK. DARK. ALL THE TIME DARK.

A PIC FROM MY BEDROOM WINDOW

DARK WHEN I WAKE UP.

IS IT THE INSIDE OF MY EYELIDS, OR MY ROOM, OR BOTH?

DARK WHEN I LEAVE WORK.

 THIS IS THE BUS STOP WHERE I CATCH THE BUS

DARK WHEN I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

 OH, THERE'S A BIRD. I THINK. 

TRICK OR TREATERS.

SWEDISH PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHEN HALLOWEEN IS. 

KIDS JUST TRICK OR TREAT FOR ABOUT 3 WEEKS.

BALD TREES.

SERIOUSLY, I SNEEZED AND THE LEAVES WERE GONE.

VINTERDÄCK.

WHY ARE THE ROADS ICY ALREADY?

RECIPES TRYING TO REINVENT THE SAME OLD CHRISTMAS FOODS.

NO I DON'T WANT MAYONNAISE IN MY SAFFRON BUN.

PEOPLE ASKING ME WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

I DON'T KNOW 

SNOW. 

YEP, SEEN SOME ALREADY. NOT YET PLZ.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION.

Day 1908: Literal bird is literal

The arrival of a new bird in the garden, a Eurasian Jay, inspired me to break my 188 day silence and share with everyone the joy and lunacy of Swedish bird names. 

1. NUT SHOUTER (Nötskrika, Eurasian Jay)

2. NUT WAKER (Nötväcka, Nuthatch - Ok that one's funny in English, too)

3. TRIBUTE SNEAK (Gärdsmyg, Wren)

4. STONE CRACKER (Stenknäck, Hawfinch)

5. BLACK-HAIRED BUSH-SPLASHER (Svarthakad buskskvätta, Stonechat)

6. WHERE BIRD (Varfågel, Grey Shrike)

7. STORM BIRD (Stormfågel, Fulmar)

8. QUACK DUCK (Snatterand, Gadwall)

9. BROWN GLAD (Brun Glada, Black Kite)

10. GREAT STAIRCASE (Stortrapp, Great Bustard)

11. COAST BEEPER (Kustpipare, Grey Plover)

12. ROSE CHAP (Roskarl, Ruddy Turnstone)

13. FAT FOOT (Tjockfot, Stone Curlew)

14. TOWER SAILOR (Tornseglare, Swift)

15. NOTCH CROWBAR (Hackspett, Woodpecker) 

16. JUDGEMENT GENTLEMAN (Domherre, Bullfinch)