Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Day 504: 100th Post Best Bits Recap
Welcome back, it's 2015 somehow already and time for the 100th post of my blog, a feat I never thought I could accomplish since I have the attention span of a small hyperactive child on MDMA. But yes, Sweden really has turned out weird enough to write at least 100 things about. I hope you all had a God Jul (Merry Christmas) and a Gott Nytt År (Happy New Year) two things about which I wrote precisely nothing since I went back to England and ate Christmas Pudding (not eaten here) pulled Christmas crackers (not pulled here) and ignored the Queen's speech (..Okay, that is ignored here too)
I'm going to take this opportunity to run down the author-chosen top 10 weirdest things I have encountered over the last 100 posts. Enjoy!
Swedish movies are not actually limited to Ingmar Bergman's works, and Swedish Music does not all sound like Abba. Also, there is a fantastic movie which proves both of these things at the same time and can be watched for free online.
I've been here long enough now to have probably eaten my own body weight in tortilla chips, thanks to the Swedish obsession with eating TexMex on Fridays.
Note leaving is an entirely acceptable form of anger. In addition, the more gender-equal and passive aggressive the note, the better. Notes are permitted in places of work, on houses of neighbours and probably even when handed to strangers directly when passing them in the street, or sticking them on people as post-its. In a similar vein, Swedes will not contravene orders given in note or sign form.
Fika (coffee break) is not Fika without 800 calories of cream crammed into a slice of diabetes. If that sounds great! then take a look at my recipes for semlor, cinnamon buns, waffles and princess cake.
I was right to believe that Swedes care about the environment. They recycle so much they have to queue for the privilege, use only environmentally friendly busses and even go so far as to invent a machine to scoop up trees and move them instead of uprooting them during building works!
Fuck me these people care about candles. So much so that I had to write not one but TWO whole posts on the subject.
Ice cream vans. In Arctic weather. at 11pm. What the.fuck Sweden. What. The. Fuck.
There has to be a National Reason To Celebrate at least once every six weeks. Nothing to do in September, oh! well, there are Crayfish so let's celebrate that. School's out? Oh, well let's ride in trucks and get drunk. The days are getting longer? Oh, well let's get absolutely rat-arsed and sleep in our own vomit. What about "Our Lady's Day" (Vår Fru Dag) which sounds a bit like "Wa-ffle-Dag"? Oh! Well let's have a whole day to eat waffles then!
CIF IS STILL CALLED JIF HERE! HOW IS THIS NOT MAJOR NEWS IN ENGLAND???????!
Here it is, the weirdest thing about Sweden: people put their shopping in a line on the checkout counter instead of in a pile AND they rotate the items so that the barcode faces the scanner to help the cashier's wrists. They all do this, collectively, as a society, for the good of the cashier. Cue twilight zone music.
Posted by Ethel Tottnott at 12:58